As most of you already may be aware of, and was mentioned on a blog I frequent, a few families in the China adoption community who received their referrals last month were surprised by referrals for boys, instead of the requested girls. I read this on the Rumor Queens site also, but have yet to see who actually received this referral.
I decided not to write about this until I thought it over for a few days. When we began this process in November, we didn't even consider requesting a boy. We already had a daughter and felt that another girl would be a perfect addition to our family. We even picked out a name for her, Maya, and we regularly use her name when speaking about Leah's little sister. A referral for a boy would come as a shock to us and leave us with a lot of explaining to do to Leah.
Having said that, I had to really consider why we started this adoption in the first place. It is not due to infertility (my daughter Leah is biological) but more about what we have always believed a family is.
Before we were married, Joe and I talked about infertility issues. What if we were faced with the same upsetting circumstances as thousands of other couples? Both of us decided right then and there that if we couldn't have children on our own, we would opt for adoption right away, in other words skip all medical intervention. It was just something that neither of us was willing to do because we didn't have a strong NEED for biological children. I know that it sounds strange (and maybe you are saying to yourself "easy for her to say" since I did have a successful pregnancy) but the fact is that I always knew I didn't have to give birth to a child to actually love him or her.
Which brings us to the present time. When Leah was 3 1/2 I started thinking about having another child. Could I have gotten pregnant again? I guess so. But I didn't want to. We really truly felt that adoption could and should be the way to grow our family.
Having said that all of that, we decided that we wouldn't turn down a referral based on gender. Sure I have my heart set on a girl, but am I adopting because I really want a girl or am I doing it because I want to be a mother again?
P.S. I am sure that everyone has a strong opinion on this subject. I am just writing about how I feel. Each family has different circumstances, so if your opinion differs from mine, that's cool too.
P.P.S. When I was pregnant with Leah we didn't find out her sex we really enjoyed the element of surprise. My neice, Kira, found out she was having a girl and then gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Julian. Sure it was a shocker to us all (especially her), but she feels so lucky to have been truly blessed with a wonderful child. I guess nothing in this world is certain.